


show me how

by emdskan



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, does this also count as a roadtrip au?, self harm mentions, triple h au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2019-10-14 00:45:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17498438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emdskan/pseuds/emdskan
Summary: Jeongyeon wants better than she's had so far, Jihyo wants to escape the life she has, and Mina just wants to be gone. Somehow they all end up running away in one stolen car.





	1. Monday

**Author's Note:**

> so i had 365 fresh stuck in my head and thought i should do something about it
> 
> minor trigger warning for attempted sexual assault in this chapter btw, nothing really happens but i feel like i should warn peeps

**_Day 1_ **

The rhythmic beats of her feet hitting the floor and her rapid breathing seem to fill Jeongyeon’s senses to the point where it’s overwhelming. She wants to stop. Her lungs are burning and her legs feel weak but she can still hear it, the muffled yelling and mess of several footsteps coming from somewhere behind her. They’re still close so she keeps running.

The dull sound of her steps reverberating on her ears.

Where was she going again? The alleyways she’s dashing through look so similar. Did she pass here already? Maybe if she turns left she’ll hit a busy main street and loose them in the crowd. Jeongyeon ends up tripping on a garbage bag when she changes direction, tumbling down into the floor faster than she can actually process, hands going up instinctively, trying to brace for impact. She falls awkwardly on top of one arm, only lightly scratching her face on the uneven ground.

Jeongyeon gets up immediately, distantly registering the ache on her cheek or the warm wetness forming on her forearm, almost falling again as she stumbles on her way up when she hear a distinct, clear voice cut through the air, “THIS WAY I JUST HEARD SOMETHING.”

Fuck. They’re still so close.

_Jeongyeon shimmies with the lock, praying to any god out there to let her get inside before anyone can spot her. She hears a slight click and the pressure she had been feeling disappears as she is able to turn the lock easily and get herself inside the enormous house._

_It’s a monday morning and she knows Jinyoung is out doing church work (which is kind of ironic considering he’s a drug dealer but hey, she’s here to steal his drugs so she’s hardly in any position to judge) but she still thinks it’s insanely lucky she gets the house alone like this. It’s all thanks to Jackson and that idiotic brain of his, Jeongyeon wasn’t sure if he was actually gonna fall for it but one well-placed text and the dumb boy is running off the hills for a chance to get laid bless his soul._

_She’s been here many times but never ventured farther than the living room, Jinyoung is extremely private about his dealings, and it’s also not like he trusts her very much. She takes a couple of tentative steps forward, heart pounding as she half expects someone to jump out and catch her._

_The place is simple but it has this sort of eeriness to it, sharp corners and big shadows. Jeongyeon knows time is an issue and she’s not really supposed to be sightseeing but she can’t help taking a closer look to some of the things around. It all looks so common, like the sort of things you’d see at your grandmother’s house. Well, guess you can’t really splurge on things like that or people might start wondering where the money is coming from._

_She stops in front of a Jesus painting hanging on the hallway. It kinda feels like it’s staring at her and she wants to turn it against the wall but that’s definitely a bad idea, “I’m sorry for stealing. But if it’s for a greater purpose it’s not that bad right?” She whispers, leaning closer to the painting, “Don’t tell your friend.”_

_Jesus doesn’t need to know the ‘greater reason’ is her own pocket, dude has enough things to worry about already._

_She presses on through the house with quick, silent steps, hoping Jackson had been in the middle of sorting shipments when he left. Some doors are locked and she doesn’t really have time to pick them so she just looks around for one that will actually open and-_

_Bingo._

_An assortment of different sized bags sit atop a desk in front of Jeongyeon, all of them filled with an almost heavenly pure white powder._

_Moving quickly she stuffs as many little packets as she thinks she can get away with in her pockets before closing the door and making her way out of the room._

_“See ya,” she mocks salutes the painting on her way out_ _from Jinyoung’s place as if she'd never been there._

_Easy as pie, she thinks._

_Jeongyeon doesn’t notice the unlocked door on her way out._

So she starts running again.

* * *

 

Jihyo is awake when the alarm starts beeping.

She’s always up before it these days.

Still she turns around wrapping a pillow around her head to drown out the loud noise echoing in the empty room. She doesn’t want to go to work.

She never wants to go to work.

“I’m gonna count to 10 and then I’ll get up,” she mumbles to herself. “1, 2, 3, 4…”

Jihyo goes through some variation of this every morning. It became sort of a tradition ever since she didn’t have a choice but to accept her shitty job at the neighborhood pharmacy owned by a family friend after her parents died. Given the place is pretty deserted apart from the old people that come regularly or the strays one-time comers every once in a while, the actual job isn’t the worst part.

Jihyo doesn’t want to think about the worst part.

She finally gets out of bed, dragging her feet tiredly towards the bathroom. Splashing some water on her face, she almost doesn’t recognize the woman staring back at her on the mirror. Deep purple bags sit under her eyes from weeks of sleepless nights, making her look even paler than usual when combined with the dark hair that frames her face.

_And how’s my little sun doing today?_

Her father’s voice echoes in her head and Jihyo grips the edges of the sink as hard as she can. She takes one more look at herself, willing the memory into the dark, buried place it had crawled out of.

“Just one more day.”

* * *

 

Mina sits amidst the chaos of pills, razor blades and melted candles that are scattered around her bathroom floor when she hears knocking.

She doesn’t remember how she got here.

Taking one look at the burn and bruise marks that give off a dull, distant pain on parts of her body she thinks it must’ve been at least some good hours since her last memory.

The knocking comes back and this time her brother’s muffled voice filters in the room alongside it, “Mina you’re awake?” It must be morning. “I have to get going now but are you sure you’ll be okay by yourself the entire week?” She gets up, careful not to slip on the mess of things around her when she instantly feels her head spin with the movement. “I can still stay if you think that’d be better.”

Mina walks out into her room, putting on a robe that she grabs from a chair as she gets up to the door, unlocking it and giving her brother a fake smile she’s sure will fool him, “I’ll be fine don’t worry.” He never really tried to look too deep into things anyway. “I know you’ve been looking forward to this for a long time, have fun on your trip.”

“Uh, well, okay then. A-anything just call me.” She doesn’t stop smiling until he’s out of the apartment.

After he’s gone Mina lulls her head back, stretching her neck slowly before opening her eyes and taking a better look at the room. Her clothes are everywhere as usual but this time there are a couple of liquor bottles strewn around the room (she remembers seeing them in the cabinet on the kitchen) as well as several of her belongings thrown around the entire room as if a hurricane had passed through.

The blackouts had been new a couple of weeks ago but now she’s almost getting used to them. They seem to happen whenever her feelings run out of her control. It’s funny she can’t remember the few times she feels something considering her life has been a gigantic void of nothingness for years now.

Mina kicks one of the whiskey bottles out of her way when she goes back to the bathroom. Stripping out of her clothes Mina climbs in the shower, hissing a little when the warm water makes contact with the wounds on her skin but she doesn’t shy away from it. Pain is the only thing she truly has. So Mina stays under the water, feeling every single way her body burns and stings because she knows this is the only time gets to feel really alive, like her body is actually real and her existence is more than just a dim shadow of things it could have been.

She steps out feeling as tired as she had when she stepped in. Nothing ever changes, Mina thinks, everything is always the same fucking faded grey. The place is a mess and she doesn’t feel like dealing with it so Mina puts on some clothes, making sure her lighter and a pack of cigarettes are on her jacket’s pocket, and makes her way out of the apartment too.

She catches sight of the dusty shelf and the number of trophies and medals and pictures of her younger self that are displayed on the living room walls when she’s leaving and the nausea she was already feeling from the hangover seems to double in strength. She wants to topple it all over today too, just like every single day she has seen it since the accident.

Mina makes up her mind as she locks the door behind her.

She’s going to kill herself before her brother returns.

* * *

 

“How’s my favorite employee doing today?” Jihyo tries to control the tension that creeps up her spine when she feels the large, rough hand that stays glued to her waist or the overwhelming, cheap aftershave giving her a headache.

She didn't want this. She really, _really_ hoped this wouldn’t happen when Yerin had told her before on their break she’d be leaving early today. She hoped with every fiber of her being but of course life just had to dismiss that completely. “I’m okay Mr. Yang, what are you doing out here?” she croaks out.

“Oh, Yerinnie had to leave so I just thought about coming out here to make you company, it would get pretty lonely being out here by yourself, right?” She can feel the ghost of his breath on her ear and Jihyo wants to scream, she wants to push him away and tell him to never, ever touch her again. She feels it bubbling up from the pit of her stomach, she wants to kill him.

But she doesn’t.

She doesn’t scream, doesn’t push him, doesn’t do anything, just stays there, still as a rock as he starts to move the fingers on her waist because she knows by now that there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. There’s no miraculous Deus ex Machina and no knight in shining armor. These are the cards life has dealt her and you can’t change fate.

But she still breathes a sigh of relief when the door rings and he pulls away completely, “ah, let me get that for you.” Mr. Yang gives her a yellow smile as he backs away to welcome the new customer and Jihyo knows. She knows no one is coming to save her but she still begs to whatever god is out there.

_Please, please just one more day._

* * *

 

It’s a dead end.

Jeongyeon crashes against the wall as soon as she turns and there’s no going back now. Her brow is slick with sweat as she turns around trying to at least maintain an air of dignity while seeing the small alleyway get filled with burly men coming from all ends.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t our sweet miss Thief.” Jackson walks out and she can see he’s slightly out of breath. _At least I made you work for it, you fucker._

“Hey Jackson, wow crazy seeing you here,” she gives him her standard business smile.

“You shouldn’t have run Jeong.”

Jackson keeps moving closer and to his merit, he looks almost remorseful. Jeongyeon knows better though, she’s trying so hard to think but her pounding heart is deafening and it takes almost all of her to actually listen to a word Jackson is saying.

“Did you really think you could get away with stealing from JYP?” There’s no way out. They’re blocking all exits no matter where she looks.

They’re going to kill her.

“I seem to think I can get away with many things.”

Jackson takes one more step closer and looks at her with pity. Jeongyeon wants to vomit. How does he has the _audacity_ of acting like he feels sorry for this? Jackson has been coming for her ever since she started dealing with JYP, he _hates_ her. Always afraid that she would steal his precious spot as #1 pet to Jinyoung. _Fuck him._ Jeongyeon wants to kill him. She wants to kill him almost as much as she wants to escape.

“You know what has to happen now, right?”

But there’s no escape. So she might as well go out with a bang.

Jackson is so close now he presses her up against the wall, putting one of his hands right next to her head, trapping Jeongyeon against him as he rudely sticks the other on her pockets, retrieving the small bags.

“Man, you’ve really done it now Jeong,” he inspects the little packets, “but then again, I guess I always expected something like this from you.”

“C’mon Jackson, you know you haven’t seen shit from me yet,” she says right before spitting on his face.

It feels amazing.

Until she gets punched in the face.

The blow is hard and sharp and a loud crack reverberates through the alley. It’s hard to think, and for what feels like an eternity Jeongyeon can’t see anything but black and she’s not too sure where she is or even what happened until her eyes finally adjust and she sees Jackson standing in front of her, blood staining one of the rings on his right hand, and then the pain reaches her brain.

It’s an insane throbbing and she can feel the stinging of tears forming on her eyes. No. Fuck no, she’s not crying right now. She forces the tears back and gets back on her feet (just a little wobbly). Jackson is wiping the spit off his bright red face, all the goons around him stand at the ready but he holds them back by the hand he’s holding up. He looks at her when he’s done and Jeongyeon can see the pure rage burning behind his eyes. There’s no going back now.

(Not that there ever was.)

She’s still dizzy, and the throbbing on her nose is so loud and Jeongyeon just really wants to lie down, take a nap, wake up in 30 years when all of this shitshow is over, but she can’t. So she wills whatever rational part of her brain is left to focus, to be alert to everything around her. She’s been getting into fights for years now so it feels almost second nature, which muscles to tense, which blindspots to be more aware of. She readies herself as best as she can. Jeongyeon’s not going down without a fight.

When it happens it all happens at once, Jeongyeon sees Jackson bring his hand down while looking directly into her eyes and then she hears the rumble of several pairs of feet coming towards her, her eyes can’t keep up with all of them at the same time. A noise to her left, she dodges a punch, grabbing onto the exposed arm she quickly positions herself to throw the owner to her front, sending him crashing into 2 other men. A dull pain from something hitting her ribs, she loses her breath but there’s no time, reacting almost immediately she holds onto the leg at her side and yanks hard, making another one lose balance and fall down.

Suddenly there’s an intense pain on the back of her head and Jeongyeon is light headed again, she sees a shadow in front of her and kicks out at the air, her foot makes contact with something and there’s a low gasp, Jeongyeon’s a tiny bit proud of herself.

She holds her ground for a couple more minutes, reddish knuckles from making straight contact with bones and teeth, sore muscles and labored breathing but she’s still standing.

The thing is they keep coming.

It’s several men against a single one of her and no matter how much Jeongyeon can take care of herself during trouble, at the end of the day she’s not really a fighter.

So she falls. Could be the exhaustion, could be the pain, could be just one well placed hit. It doesn’t matter, all Jeongyeon knows is that she’s tired.There are so many of them and she just wants to lie down. So when she sees one big fist coming straight at her stomach she knows she can’t avoid it, she just braces herself and sure enough, the pain is so intense it feels like it’s pushing everything upwards, her food, her breath, her organs. A distant place in her mind is actually a little surprised she doesn’t puke when she coughs the air out. When her knees grow weak she doesn’t try to steady them, just lets them bring her straight down. When Jackson’s men grab both of her arms and roughly pull her back up she doesn’t fight back, doesn’t try to push them away or break free, because sometimes you have to admit that there is no point in fighting a losing battle.

Jackson approaches her with deliberate steps, slowly, surely, using each one as an omen to her end. He gets high on it but she can’t even be bothered to get angry anymore. He has broken her and he knows it, she can see it on his eyes when he brings his face inches from hers, holding it with a hurtful grip, “Hey, tell me, did you ever think you would amount to anything more than this, a bum bleeding out in an alley? ‘Cause I didn’t. I’ve always known what you really were. Scu-”

He gets interrupted mid sentence by loud sirens and different male voices screaming in the distance.

“Police! Stop what you're doing and put your hands in the air.”

Even amidst her haze Jeongyeon sees the semblant of panic that swims through Jackson's eyes for a millisecond before it's gone and he's directing his hateful gaze at her again, “we'll come back for you.” It's a threat that she doesn't have time to process before his feet join the cacophony of others getting farther and farther away, and suddenly, she's alone in the alley again.

* * *

 

6:48. That's what Jihyo sees when she lifts her eyes to the clock hanging on the wall for the fifth time in the past 10 minutes.

3 more hours before she's free.

“Jihyo can you take these to the back?”

She turns around to see Mr. Yang carrying a large box. Jihyo walks over to him to take the box because, well, she doesn't have much of a choice but also taking a break from him in the storage for a bit is a really inviting idea. Ever since Yerin left and he decided to man her spot at the counter Jihyo hasn’t had a single minute of peace, luck being on her side it was actually a rather busy day so she managed to evade his advances every time he got too close but she knows this is probably temporary, after 8pm the flow of customers came down significantly. She hoists the box up on one of  the shelves in the storage room, resting her forehead against it as she closes her eyes for a couple of seconds.

If she was being honest, Jihyo had to know this was coming. The lingering stares below her face, the long touches, the way Mr. Yang took every opportunity he could to overstep her personal space, she managed to have 8 months of safety never being alone with him thanks to Yerin, the older girl was a little better at standing up to him, always refusing to leave Jihyo’s side until they had closed and were in front of the younger’s apartment complex, but despite all of that what she feared most happened and now there’s little more Jihyo can do besides just hoping that it’ll be okay.

_I just have to get through today. Please just let me get through today, please, please, please._

The short girl is too busy praying to herself to notice when the door across the small room opens slightly and a tall figure steps in, she doesn’t notice the door being closed again nor does she notice when the older man starts to quietly make his way to her. She does, however, smell the disgustingly strong cologne and her body goes on alert immediately, spinning her around, ready to walk out. Sadly Mr. Yang is already too close and he catches up to Jihyo with two long steps, lifting his lanky arms up to rest against the shelf behind and trapping her right there.

She’s breathing heavily and he seems to notice because his gaze drifts down to her chest. She tries to control it back to normal but she starts to feel sick with him so close, all she wants is to run.

“Was the box too heavy for you? Sorry Jihyo,” Mr. Yang chuckles and Jihyo turns her face when his warm breath hits her. “But if I can be honest, I just couldn’t stop myself when I thought of you all flushed and out of breath.”

“C’mon Mr. Yang, we should get back to work,” Jihyo tries to push one of his arms to get away but he just uses the chance to press himself harder on her. The shelf is now pressed awkwardly against her back and somewhere in her increasingly distraught mind she muses that the throbbing on her lower back where a corner probably hit her will definitely leave a mark tomorrow.

He doesn’t seem fazed though, bringing his face closer to her neck and whispering in her ear, “I’ve always thought you were just so sexy, you know?” One of his hands slides down her arm to her waist. “Ever since you were younger, I remember you in that high school uniform.”

Jihyo wants to do a lot of things, she wants to scream, to curse, to push him, to run as far away as she can. She wants to beg him to leave her alone, to cry, to laugh, she wants her parents to come save her and she wants desperately for this to be over, but all of these things end up becoming mixed together into a single mass of chaotic thoughts and she can’t really understand any of it. Her mind feels fuzzy, as if it’s trying to focus on everything at the same time and not actually getting anything, she notices Mr. Yang’s hand on her waist and his breath on her neck but it doesn’t really feel like her, not her body, he must be touching someone else, she just has to go back to work, “We really should go back, the customers...” Jihyo sorta laughs it off, surely he’ll stop with this stupid joke now. She raises her hands to push his shoulders but her strength is gone, funny, she goes to the gym almost everyday.

One of his hands is at her thigh now and Jihyo chokes a sob when she feels a warm, wet tongue against her earlobe, “Please Mr. Yang, please get off me.” She’s begging now, limply pushing her palms against his shoulders but he’s not even budging.

Jihyo feels the world is this immense white noise machine, she’s trying so hard to think but there’s a humming on her ears and _so much_ happening, it’s like she can’t hear her own thoughts. He tells her to quiet down, that this will all be over soon, Jihyo thinks his cologne is just so fucking strong, she hates it. She hates his gigantic, rough hands aggressively groping her ass and thighs, she hates the disgusting slob of wetness on her neck, she hates that she’s hearing his grunting as he tries to rub against her, she hates it all. She hates him.

She _fucking_ hates him so much.

“I SAID GET OFF OF ME!” a flash of blinding, white, hot anger hits her as she shouts and it takes a moment for Jihyo to actually understand what is happening, her body moving on instinct as it musters all of her strength in a single push, she sees the lumbering body of Mr. Yang stepping back and the sheer surprise on his face, she sees when his feet stumble and he loses his balance and she sees when he falls back, waving his arms in what would be a comical way at any other time before colliding heavily with the other set of shelves behind him.

You see, she _sees_ it and doesn’t see it. It’s kind of like a dream, intensely vivid while it’s happening but as soon as you wake up it’s impossible to remember almost every detail from it.

And now she’s here. Looking down at the body of her boss as he continues to make disgusting sounds, but these are wrong in a different way. Jihyo swallows as she watches Mr. Yang reach a weak arm in her direction, his bent neck twisted in an unnatural lump, the quiet gurgling coming from his throat along with Jihyo’s intense breathing the only sounds in the tiny storage room.

She feels like time has stopped, like she and him will be here forever, maybe this is what hell is like and that’s why she’s going through it.

It’s not hell, and time doesn’t stop.

But Mr. Yang does eventually.

* * *

 

Jeongyeon waits a beat.

A second one.

By the third she opens her eyes to see that she’s still alone in the alley. There are distant sounds of people, footsteps and muffled conversations and the flashing blue and red lights reflected on one of the walls towards the entrance of the little nook she’s in, but other than that it seems that whatever brought the police over wasn’t Jackson and his crew.

She takes a deep breath and her chest aches with the slow movement, now that the adrenaline is wearing off Jeongyeon can really feel the damage they did to her. _Well, count your blessings, I guess._ At least she wasn’t dead.

Maybe half dying on a ditch somewhere with a looming target over her head but overthinking these things is always a bad way to go, Jeongyeon knew better than that.

As she slowly stretches herself out, trying to get used to the weight of using her body a new set of flashing blue and red lights blinds her for a second as another police car passes by, and Jeongyeon remembers she should probably get out of there before these guys were done with whatever and someone wandered by and started asking questions. So she forces herself to think through what feels like several layers of thick, heavy fog due to her exhaustion, she can’t go back home, that’s a dead giveaway, she can’t go to any of her usual crew because Jinyoung probably had gotten to all of them by now, she _obviously_ can’t go to a hospital without an explanation and as she’s trying to keep herself from freaking out under that seemingly impending doom a tiny thought flickers through her head, like a lighthouse in the middle of a storm.

Chaeyoung.

The girl lived nearby and if Jeongyeon still remembered her schedule (which she definitely did, she remembers almost everything about Chaeyoung) the younger girl was probably at work at this hour.

Now listen, out of all the things Jeongyeon wants at this moment, breaking into one of her ex-girlfriends’ apartment is _absolutely_ not one of them, especially not Chaeyoung, but it is also the only reasonable option she has, so Jeongyeon wipes most of the blood on her face with her hand and gets up, wincing a bit as the sudden movement makes her a little dizzy, but she straightens her back as she walks out of the alley, very slight limp on her steps.

She’s been surviving all this long, there’s no point in giving up now.

 

Chaeyoung still keeps the spare key under the small succulent on the window next to her front door and Jeongyeon laughs a little at that, of course she wouldn’t change it even though Jeongyeon used to take it constantly to let herself in. There’s a tiny dog figurine next to it now and she thinks it’s a little strange because Chaeyoung is a cat person but Jeongyeon just shrugs it off, it’s kinda cute anyway.

When she opens the door the familiar smell of Chaeyoung’s perfume and quiet humming of the aquarium on the corner of the room hit her almost as hard as one of the earlier punches and Jeongyeon audibly swallows down whatever wave of nostalgia she’s having along with the pressing guilt in the back of her head.

Everything is just as she remembered.

Well, not everything.

Jeongyeon walks over to the aquarium and under the soft blue glow of it there’s a picture frame with Chaeyoung and a tall brunette girl holding a tiny dog with a weirdly judgemental face, the tall girl is snuggling against Chaeyoung and the dog with a shy smile while Chaeyoung has her arm around the girl’s waist and a cheeky smile as she winks at the camera.

“Figures,” Jeongyeon shrugs to herself, Chaeyoung and her had been over for quite some time now and honestly, it was probably for the best considering her current situation, but Jeongyeon still has to pretend it doesn’t bother her seeing the younger girl with someone else. Jeongyeon quietly pushes the frame with her fingers until it’s facing the wall instead of her as she talks to the fish, “Hey Leon, hey Mathilda, how are you guys doing?” Jeongyeon presses a finger on the glass and one of the tiny fishes slowly comes to inspect it. “I can’t stay very long but tell Chaeyoung to remember to feed you, okay? She doesn’t have the calendar out anymore and I know she always forgets.” Jeongyeon closes her eyes for a bit and the water light gives a blue tint to her features, almost as if she was underwater herself. Jeongyeon smiles to herself as she thinks about how _she_ could be the one having this regular old life with Chaeyoung, and a dog, and maybe park dates on the weekends. Maybe on another timeline or something. She opens her eyes again and steps back from the aquarium. _Alright, that’s enough of daydreaming, I gotta get the fuck out of here._

The idea comes to her as she’s rummaging through Chaeyoung’s wardrobe. Jeongyeon doesn’t have a single penny to her name now that Jackson took back what she was going to sell, so she’s back to square one except instead of just broke she’s also most likely marked for death.

Maybe square minus 3 then.

She has no one to turn to, nowhere to go and people looking for her.

Stealing from Chaeyoung is a big no no. She _is_ a thief and it _is_ a life or death situation but Chaeyoung never asked to be involved in any of this, she promised herself to never let any of her life impact the girl ages ago and fuck, might as well keep at least one promise.

But that doesn’t mean stealing from _other people_ is a big no no.

Jeongyeon mentally apologizes to Chaeyoung as she picks out a silk button up from what looks to not be Chaeyoung’s side of the wardrobe.

* * *

 

Jihyo doesn’t know how long she’s been sitting there. She doesn’t feel her body properly, she can faintly hear the tick-tocking of the clock out by the counter but it’s muffled, like if she were underwater.

She tries to look at him again, she spent all this time looking anywhere _but_ him.

There’s now a thick pool of blood dripping from under his neck, slowly creeping its way in random directions. Jihyo knows the smell is supposed to be strong, she felt it at first, but now it seems far away like everything else. The eyes are open and dull but even dead he won’t stop looking at her. Jihyo feels herself retch and she keels over to the side, trying hard to keep whatever food she had that day inside.

It’s a miracle no one walked in on them yet, a part of Jihyo is just waiting for her whole life to crash down.

It feels like that part has been waiting for it for a long time now.

But now that the possibility is here, cold and red and oh so undeniably dead in front of her, there’s also a part of Jihyo, a part that seems to be stronger, that doesn’t want any of this, she wants to be normal, she wants to be happy, she deserves more than dead parents and a rapist boss and this whole shitty life and now there’s a dead person in front of her.

Oh my god there’s a fucking dead person in front of her.

 _Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god, I didn’t- I didn’t mean to- He just- I have to get out._ Her thoughts come out jumbled an unfinished as Jihyo begins to hyperventilate. Someone’s going to come and she’s going to go to prison, no, no, none of this is her fault, she needs to do something, she needs to get rid of him, she needs to fix this, she needs to _leave._

Jihyo scrambles to get up but during the time she was realizing her situation the blood pool had made its way to centimeters away from her, so when she puts her foot goes down it slips right on it and Jihyo tries to catch herself on something but it’s too fast and she comes crashing down on it. Now her knees and shoulder are pulsating with a dull pain from the impact with the floor and most of her clothes are covered in blood. _Fuck, fuck fuck fuck._ This can’t stop her though. Jihyo still struggles back to her feet, taking off the, now stained red, white lab coat she had to wear from behind the medicine counter.

She looks at herself for a moment, then at Mr. Yang on the floor, maybe there’s still a way to fix this. Jihyo takes the coat in a way that the dry fabric is covering both of her hands and being careful to step away from the liquid, picks up one of Mr. Yang’s arms, he’s pretty cold but not stiff. Jihyo tugs at him once but he doesn’t move.

She tugs one more time, pressing her heels on the ground but he seems to just stretch and not move at all. She feels like crying again but there’s no time for this. Jihyo spends at least five minutes using the most of her strength to try to drag Mr. Yang’s body anywhere, but by the end of it she’s huffing and sweating and he moved maybe 2 centimeters over. There’s a huge blood spill on the floor, where her body’s slip marks are very visible, there’s blood on her clothes, there was no one else in the store besides her and Mr. Yang, her fingerprints are everywhere, including the body, where she pushed him earlier. Even if she called the police now they would just ask why it took her so long, they’d ask how it happened and she did kill him, didn’t she? It doesn’t matter what he was doing to her, she still did it, right? Who would believe that it wasn’t her fault, that it just happened, that if they were her they would have probably done the same?

This is too much. This is all just too much for her. She doesn’t want to deal with any of this.

So Jihyo just walks out.

She drops the bloody coat on the floor, picks up the key for the back door on Mr. Yang’s front pocket and leaves. They’re going to get her anyway. They’re not going to believe her not matter what, so she might as well not have to sit in that fucking stuffed room with the dead body of her disgusting boss.

She doesn’t know what time it is but it’s night when she steps outside, the back alley to the pharmacy is dark and cold and Jihyo shivers a bit in her sleeveless shirt. She wanders around for a couple of minutes, aimless, after all it’s not like she has anywhere to go. There aren’t a lot of people out and no one seems to pay much attention to her until Jihyo crosses an older woman who gives her arms a concerned look before asking her if she’s hurt. Jihyo doesn’t have time to answer though, because when the woman looks her up and down something in her face changes, and Jihyo looks down to her own body, noticing the obvious blood stains on her socks and legs with no visible wound anywhere and when she makes eye contact with the woman again Jihyo _knows_ she must know. She probably looks insane strolling around covered in blood that doesn’t look to be hers.

“I, uh, I’m sorry I have to go now.” She stammers out to the woman who tries to tell her something but Jihyo doesn’t listen, she just turns around and runs. She runs hard, her legs feel like they’re burning and so does her head. Why is she so _stupid_ ? Why doesn’t she ever think before doing anything? Now a random woman on the street knows she’s a murderer and her whole life is gonna be _over_.

Jihyo stops when she hears something that looks like a screeching sound, she turns her head to it but is instantly blinded by strong white lights and somewhere that little voice in the back of her mind tells her it’s a car and that she’s about to die. Now that she probably _should_ run her legs don’t want to move for some reason. Oh, the irony. When she needs it to, her body won’t move on its own.

In that split second where she’s thinking Jihyo can only wonder why she just doesn’t do anything right, and then she closes her eyes, waiting for the impact.

But it never comes. She can see the lights behind her eyelids and the noise stopped, now there’s just the soft rumble of what she thinks is the car engine but she’s still here, and when she opens her eyes the car is maybe two palms away from her. She’s breathing heavily and can barely see anything besides the lights but she hears one of the doors open and a tall figure step out. They don’t say anything though and Jihyo keeps thinking how she needs to run, she needs to run, she _needs_ to, but her legs still aren’t moving and then the person starts walking and Jihyo is just so scared, _Why won’t this stop?_

When the person steps into the headlights Jihyo can see it’s a tall woman with short brown hair that looks like a pixie cut grown too long.

They stare at each other for a couple of seconds, when the woman speaks first, “You’re shaking,” is all she says.

“Huh? I, uh…” Jihyo is trying to speak but she’s also trying to run and her brain decided two commands mean zero apparently.

“I have a couple of tissues in the car, you can use them to clean that stuff off of you,” when she gestures back to the car Jihyo sees that she has a huge cut on the bridge of her nose and a couple of purple spots on her cheekbones. “Do you want a ride or something?”

“I-” _What?_

“Here,” Jihyo doesn’t have time to react when the woman interrupts her, putting one of her hands on Jihyo’s small back and gently guiding her to the passenger side of the car. The woman uses her other hand to open the door and Jihyo just, meekly crawls inside with just another soft push.

Jihyo’s mind is a mess, what is she doing? Why is she here? Why is this strange, and apparently violent, woman putting her into her car? _Why does this day keep getting worse?_ Jihyo thinks and while the woman is walking around the car to the other side Jihyo starts to wildly look for anything she can use to defend herself.

She’s about to open the glove compartment when the door across her side opens and the woman gets inside.

Jihyo snaps her hand back to her lap. “It’s okay, the tissues are right there, actually,” the woman reaches over to open it and place a box of paper tissues on Jihyo’s lap. “Look, I know you’re a little spooked so if you want to leave just go ahead and open the door.” She waits for a second and when Jihyo just stares at her, body and expression tense, she continues, “I don’t know what’s up with you and to be honest, I guess I don’t really care either,” she shrugs, “it just looks like you’re having a really bad day and, well, I’m having one too.” The woman gestures to her face with a humorless smile and under the softer light inside the car Jihyo can see that there are also red-purple-greenish bruises on other parts of her face and on her knuckles, and a skin tone bandage on her forehead, a little above her left eyebrow.

“So, I can give you a ride to wherever you want while I’m on my way. Beefing up my good karma points, y’know?” She smiles genuinely this time, the little bags under her eyes becoming more pronounced when the corners of her mouth go up, and Jihyo thinks now that she might be the first non scary thing she’s seen all night.

Oh hell, between going to prison and running off with a stranger on her car at least this one isn’t a _certain_ bad end. Jihyo looks away from the woman and clears her throat, “okay.”

“Okay!” The woman slaps the steering wheel enthusiastically, “where do you wanna go?”

“Wherever,” Jihyo shrugs, picking up one of the tissues to start wiping at the dry blood on her arms.

Jihyo doesn’t want to think anymore, this whole day was a nightmare and she’s so tired from everything and if the universe put this chance to catch a break in front of her she’ll damn well take it, so she puts all her focus into cleaning herself to keep from thinking about anything. Coincidentally, that also makes her miss the look the short haired woman on the other seat gives her, a mix of curiosity and understanding. She also misses the quiet “okay” that she responds with, putting the car into gear and driving both of them away.

* * *

 

Water droplets hit the back of Mina’s head every once in a while. The wind is relatively strong and it makes her spot, sitting in front of a water fountain, to be pretty cold at this time of night, Mina sort of grimaces she didn’t walk out with a heavier jacket, but she also doesn’t mind at the same time, the sharpness of cold is one of the uncomfortable sensations Mina has accustomed herself to liking.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. There’s no way of knowing what time it is, Mina didn’t bring her phone, but from the movement on the streets and how long she’s been out she’d guess almost late, nine, maybe ten-ish, she isn’t on a very busy street and most of the few cars that pass by are probably just tired workers going back home to their families. Mina opens her eyes and takes a final drag of her cigarette, throwing the butt over her shoulder into the fountain. She pushes herself up and shoves her hands in her pockets, there’s the momentary dizziness but soon her vision returns back to normal, she’s been wandering around since morning and she’s pretty sure she hasn’t eaten anything since yesterday lunch or something.

Well, whatever, Mina starts walking towards the road on slow pace, she’s really tired at this point but every time she thinks about going back home her mind goes back to the trophy shelf and she feels like puking. Why didn’t he throw it away? She told him several times to get rid of it but it’s not like he ever listened to her, he was just doing what their parents told him to do. _Now neither of them will have to think about any of this anymore_ , she thought to herself. She said she’d do it before he came back but why delay the inevitable anyway?

The yellow lights of the street lamps make the night seem almost a little warmer. She leans against one, closing her eyes again, it’s just her out here right now. Mina tries to think of a good reason to call it off, go back home, maybe hurt herself a little, go to sleep and deal with this all over tomorrow. She thinks of all the standard reasons people use to no commit suicide:

‘There’s so much more to live for.’ _There isn’t. She hasn’t been able to do anything ever since the accident stopped her from dancing and everyone knows that. She’s just dead weight._

‘Your family would be sad.’ _Would they? Her parents basically exiled her to her brother in a whole different country when they realized she couldn’t do anything besides dancing._

‘You’re not as useless as you think you are.’ _This one is just silly, honestly._

It’s also not like she actually hates her brother, Mina knows he doesn’t really care that much about her but he seems to try at least a little bit, she knows she’s a handful. If she went through with it he wouldn’t have to deal with any of this anymore, her parents wouldn’t have to live with the disappointment that she is and Mina herself just wouldn’t have to live in this endless void of nothing and bad that the universe decided to stick her on years ago. It might shock everyone at first, _Would it really?_ But it’s honestly the best decision.

And yet here she is.

Terrified.

Here is the part about it that no one really understands, even if you think to yourself, I want this, you’re still going to be afraid. Dying is _scary_ . Mina has been thinking about this _years_ and she still hasn’t done it. At first it was because there was this little part of her that believed things would change, she would get better, she wouldn’t have to feel like this forever. So she pushed on, she’d tell herself off whenever her thoughts got too bad and she kept on living, but time went on and nothing ever changed, in fact things just got worse, her parents kicked her out, her brother was distant and never bothered to really pay attention, she had no purpose to live anymore.

To Mina it was very clear that things would never change back. She’d never get her life back.

She doesn’t _want_ to die, but to her it’s clear that she has no other choice.

That’s why when Mina hears the engine noises she doesn’t let herself stop to think, she doesn’t let herself stop to be afraid, she just steps out, if someone has to put an end to this she’ll do it right now, no more stalling.

Mina takes a final look at the night sky, maybe somewhere she could’ve been someone different. She closes her eyes again and steps into the road as soon as the headlights of a car coming by get too close to dodge her.

* * *

 

They have been driving out for a couple of hours now. Jeongyeon isn’t really sure what to do with the girl next to her because when she had asked where the girl wanted to go she replied with ‘wherever’.

Like _that_ was any help.

Jeongyeon couldn’t take her along on her way out of the city but she also couldn’t just kick the girl out, she’s the one who picked her up from the street. _Why_ did she do that anyway?

Jeongyeon chances a glance at the girl, _Jihyo_ , she corrects herself, Jeongyeon found out her name about an hour ago.

_“I’m Jeongyeon by the way,” she says out of the blue after they had been in silence for about 20 minutes._

_“...Jihyo.”_

_That’s all she says and goes back to scrubbing at her ankles._ Well, that was something _, Jeongyeon thinks._

_She drives aimlessly for about 5 more minutes, trying to think of a way to get the girl out of the car before she runs out of gas when Jihyo speaks up again, “Your car is nice.”_

_Jeongyeon thinks about going with it, but honestly? Telling her the truth looks way too funny not to._

_“It’s not mine, I stole it.” She just sees a glimpse of it through her peripheral vision but Jihyo’s whiplash towards her is just_ that _dramatic. Jeongyeon stifles a laugh._

_“You… what?”_

_Lucky for her they stop at a red light and Jeongyeon can turn her full attention to Jihyo now. She thinks Jihyo might get all tense like she was when she first got in the car but she’s actually pretty relaxed, if not for the look of almost complete disbelief on her face, “ You’re right there, cleaning someone else’s blood from yourself and you can’t believe I stole a car? Really?” Jeongyeon says through an amused giggle._

_She watches as a slight blush creeps on Jihyo’s cheeks before an expression of utter comprehension of her predicament falls on her face and she just quietly says, “oh.”_

_Jeongyeon knows that expression pretty well and she feels a little endearment to the small girl. “Hey, it’s okay,” she says, softly punching Jihyo’s shoulder, “we do what we have to do_ _sometimes.” The stoplight turns green and she gets the car moving again, “I know a good place around here, let’s get some food in you for now.”_

Jihyo is absentmindedly chewing on the straw of her soda cup while she looks outside. She looks a little lost and completely out of her element inside this grimy stolen car with someone like Jeongyeon.

Oh. Right. Chaeyoung.

She looks just like Chaeyoung did when Jeongyeon first met her. A little baby sheep stuck in a lions’ den. That’s why she picked her up.

At least Chaeyoung climbed her way out of it, even if she couldn’t take Jeongyeon with her. She was just stopping by. Jihyo, Jeongyeon wasn’t so sure, it kind of looked like she’d rather get eaten.

Ah hell, Jeongyeon couldn’t just leave her alone now could she? When she’s about to suggest that maybe, if Jihyo really doesn’t have anywhere to go she can stay with Jeongyeon while she gets out of town for a bit, Jihyo’s head suddenly snaps to her front and she screams, “WATCH OUT!”

Jeongyeon immediately looks back on the road and sees what looks like a person’s silhouette. She slams her foot on the breaks instinctively and tries to sway the car out of the way but apparently it’s not enough because pretty much a second after she sees the person she feels an impact, then the car stops and there’s nothing in front of them anymore.

Jihyo is just staring at the windshield, her chest going up and down as her whole body shakes a little bit.

_Shit, calm down Jeongyeon._

Jeongyeon extends one hand to grab Jihyo by the arm, “Hey.” She has to repeat it a couple more times but Jeongyeon only continues when Jihyo looks at her, “Stay in the car. Don’t freak out. I’ll be right back.” She steps out when Jihyo gives a weak nod.

The wind is pretty cold outside and lucky for her, there doesn’t seem to be any other person outside besides her and Jihyo. Jeongyeon looks a little further in front of the car and there, as sure as the sky above her, is a body, lying face face up on the road. Jeongyeon doesn’t want to get closer but she forces herself anyway, if they’re alive she need to be as fast as she can to help and if they’re dead she can’t stand around here with Jihyo for very long.

God, she really doesn’t know what the best situation here is.

Coming closer she sees it’s a girl, it looks likes she’s got a couple of bruises and she’s bleeding from the knee if the bloody tear on her jeans is any indication. Jeongyeon is about to check if she’s breathing when the girl twitches a bit, making Jeongyeon almost jump back for a second.

The girl’s eyes flutter open a couple of seconds later and she doesn’t seem to notice Jeongyeon.

And then she _laughs._

First a weak little giggle then turned into a chuckle and a few seconds later she’s full on laughing maniacally as she sits up on the ground.

Out of all the things Jeongyeon was expecting, this crazy person laughing after throwing herself in front of her car was not even on the list. _What the fuck._ Does this girl not think? This girl could’ve _died_ and she could’ve dragged Jeongyeon and Jihyo on whatever shitty mess she seems to be having for herself. Jeongyeon can handle whatever the fuck this is but if she had actually died what would Jihyo think? Jeongyeon looks back at her on the car, who’s doe-eyed, staring between Jeongyeon and the sitting girl in front of her. Jihyo doesn’t need this shit.

Jeongyeon’s not sure if it’s the day’s stress finally catching up to her or if she’s just fucking lost it after all these years but she can’t stop herself from lunging against this girl.

“What the fuck’s wrong with you, huh?” She sees the girl wince when she pushes her back on the ground. “Don’t get us involved in your weird shit and then _laugh_ about it, you fuck.”

The girl looks a bit taken aback for about the first 3 seconds and goes right back to cackling in Jeongyeon’s face, which only works to infuriate her more, “I’ll fucking kill you myself.”

“Do it.” The girl says mid laughter.

Jeongyeon raises one arm, maybe a punch will set her straight but before she can dive back she feels something holding her wrist and she looks back to see Jihyo’s scared face and tiny hands gripping her as hard as she can, “Jeongyeon, stop.” She hadn’t even heard Jihyo get out of the car.

Jeongyeon shrugs her hands off but does as she says. She looks at the girl under her one more time, her eyes look empty and it freaks Jeongyeon out. She pushes her down one more time and gets up, walking behind Jihyo, who immediately runs to the girl on the road.

“Are you okay?” She hears Jihyo ask.

She sees them talking about something for a little bit but she’s too annoyed to pay attention. Jihyo and her have to get the fuck out of here, Jeongyeon doubts she has enough good luck points left to keep a car from showing up any time soon. She’s about to tell Jihyo to hurry the fuck up and get back to the car when she sees Jihyo walking back up to her as the stranger twirls around in the middle of the road.

“What the fu-”

“Jeongyeon can she come with us?” Jihyo interrupts her and Jeongyeon has to do a little double take. “ _What?_ ” For a second she remembers their little exchange in the car an hour ago.

“I asked if she can come with us.”

“First of all, I don’t know where _we_ are going because I said I’d just give you a ride somewhere.” Jeongyeon’s trying her best to sound angry, she really _is_ angry but for some reason it doesn’t seem to be having any effect on Jihyo as she just stares at Jeongyeon with an unreadable gaze.

It makes Jeongyeon uncomfortable and she huffs, looking away.

“Look, I thought of _maybe_ letting you come along because it seems like you and I are in kinda similar situations,” Jeongyeon looks behind the girl in front of her, at the stranger, she’s just standing in the middle of the road with her eyes closed, “but I didn’t sign up for a depressed psycho.” Every second that goes by makes Jeongyeon more and more anxious, a car is bound to pass by eventually, why is Jihyo being so _unreasonable_?

“She doesn’t have nowhere to go, like us.” It’s the first time Jeongyeon’s seeing the short girl look so sure of something.

“I don’t trust her!” Shit, they really need to go.

“Trust me.” Jihyo doesn’t budge and Jeongyeon wants to scream, it’s her car, she could just ditch both of them here.

And yet she can’t bring herself to.

She looks back at the stranger once more and this time their eyes meet, she was already looking at Jeongyeon, a sly smile on her lips that makes the hair on the back of Jeongyeon’s head stand up. There’s something weirdly electric about her.

She looks back at Jihyo’s determined stare, “If she fucks us over, this is all your fault.” Jeongyeon turns around to walk back to the car, _maybe_ they can get out of this without a lot of problems, but Jihyo’s hand catch her wrist again and she looks back wondering what else could the girl want.

“Thank you for trusting me Jeongyeon.” Jihyo’s smile is small and warm and different from everything she has seen from the girl so far.

And somehow so, _so_ familiar.

 _Fuck you Chaeyoung,_  Jeongyeon thinks.

She gives Jihyo a softer nod and slips her wrist from the smaller girl’s hand as she walks back to the car, “Mina!” She hears Jihyo call back behind her.

A couple of footsteps follow her and Jeongyeon doesn’t stop herself for a second while in the driver seat as she says loudly, “Back seat.”

Soon Jihyo gets in the passenger seat next to her and the stranger, Mina she assumes, gets in the back. Jeongyeon heaves a big sigh as she turns the ignition on, looking through the rearview mirror at Mina and casting a glance at Jihyo she says loudly, “I hope at least one of you has gas money because we fucking need it,” and she gets them back on the road again.


	2. Tuesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried proofreading but if there are still any mistakes, sorry, my eyes gave up on working

**_Day 2_ **

They had been driving for a couple of hours now, the empty highway scenery just a dark blur on Jeongyeon’s window as she speeds down the road. The car is dark too and through the rearview mirror she only sees a small lump spread out on the back seat, it looks like Mina is sleeping. Next to Jeongyeon, Jihyo has her arms crossed, head resting on the window. Her face is too hidden in the shadows for Jeongyeon to see anything but the soft up and down of her shoulders as the girl breaths, so she can’t tell if she’s asleep or not. Jeongyeon chooses to assume she is, seeing Jihyo’s been quiet for the past 40 minutes as Jeongyeon drove them fully out of the city and into that strange limbo that is the countryside in between towns.

She envies them a little bit, Mina and Jihyo, considering she has been up and running non-stop ever since morning. Something about the dull silence, broken only by swoosh of wind coming from the tiny crack she left open on her window and occasionally a very faint whine-like sounds that seem to be coming from Mina, or maybe the mostly dark interior of the car, makes her feel the exhaustion settling like a heavy blanket on her shoulders, her arms feel as dense as lead, weighing down on the steering wheel, and Jeongyeon is suddenly aware of all the effort her body has been making to keep her moving all this time.

God, she’s so tired.

Jeongyeon really wants to stop. She made it, there’s no way Jinyoung or Jackson or anyone is catching up to her now so it’s okay to just stop and rest for a bit, right? She can pick herself up tomorrow.

But she can’t. Like always the rational side of her brain kicks in and reminds her that she’s now responsible for two strangers who look like they haven’t got a clue where their lives are supposed to be going, and no matter how much she tries to remember _how_ exactly she got herself in this position it doesn’t change the fact that Jeongyeon can’t just ditch the curled lump on the other seat just because she doesn’t want to exist for a while.

Well, she _could_ she just doesn’t want to, which is a very confusing thought she’s way too tired to linger on.

She always thought her soft spot for strays would just end up getting her cats or something. This is definitely… different.

Jihyo stirs in her seat as something in the car makes a beeping noise that sounds way too loud in the stillness they are in.

Jeongyeon sighs, eyes scanning the dashboard, _looks like it’s the gas tank_. “What time is it?” Jihyo’s voice comes out quiet and croaky, sleep-laced, while she rubs her own cheeks a few times.

“Around one, I think. You should go back to sleep.”

“Aren’t you tired?”

“I’m fine.” A truck passes by and the wind makes a deep whoosh for a few seconds before settling down again.

Jihyo’s face is too obscured for Jeongyeon to quite make out her expression when she peeks at her from the corner of her eyes, the soft glow of the dashboard lights gleaming slighty, reflected on her eyes. She hears Jihyo shift again, “I’ll stay up with you.”

Jeongyeon’s not really sure what to say so she just doesn’t say anything, and neither does Jihyo so they both stop talking for a while, Jeongyeon focusing on the road ahead, eyes heavy as she tries to blink the sleep away.

She’s almost sure Jihyo had fallen back asleep when the girl pipes up again out of nowhere, “So, where are we going?” It’s barely a whisper, Jihyo seemingly aware of herself now that the silence had settled between them again.

Jeongyeon struggles for a bit, she did think of something but right now it’s like a far away idea in her head, the sleep pushing most of her reasonable thinking away. “Don’t know,” she hums, “just thought of driving a couple towns over, staying for a while then moving again. I don’t have much of anything tying me down here.” She casts a glance to Jihyo again and the girl has her eyes closed, nodding gently as she listens. It really looks like she’s halfway asleep already.

A yawn makes its way through Jeongyeon’s mouth and she feels her whole body stretch for a couple of seconds, momentarily awakening her. Jihyo speaks one more time, “Why leave?”

“Why are you?” She shoots back and it’s Jihyo’s turn to yawn, she stretches, hands against the dashboard, pushing her back into the seat. She makes little humming noises as it seems she’s trying to come up with the right thing to say, Jeongyeon decides to give her a nudge, “Running away from some guy? Did you piss off a shitty boyfriend or something?”

Jihyo clutches her arms, she still sounds conflicted but replies after a while, “Yeah, sort of.”

Jeongyeon doesn’t press it, she can see Jihyo is uncomfortable with the topic and if she doesn’t want to talk about some random man or whatever Jeongyeon won’t force her. Realistically, she’ll probably give up on this whole idea and ask to be dropped off somewhere in a couple of days. No point in getting into it.

Jeongyeon rubs her eyes, they’ve been burning for twenty minutes now and she’s starting to get really annoyed, when she brings her hand down she sees Jihyo picking something out of the glove compartment. “Oh no, I think whoever owns this car has kids,” Jihyo pouts, bringing a little monster doll up to her face.

“No, just uh, just give me that.” Jeongyeon swats her arm around until she grabs the doll from Jihyo and tucks it safely on her own lap. “It's mine.”

Jihyo’s eyebrows raise at hearing that, a soft “oh” escaping her lips, “It doesn't suit you,” is what she ends up saying.

Jeongyeon can't help but laugh, really, “Wow! You really like being mean to me, huh?” She brings one of her hands to her chest, an overly dramatic painful expression on her face, “It really hurts my feelings that you don't like my ugly doll.”

Jihyo is giggling too now, “Sorry,” she gives Jeongyeon a slightly apologetic look, “but it really doesn't, why do you have it?”

A timid hand comes in Jeongyeon’s direction, Jihyo wordlessly asking her if she can see it again.

Jeongyeon hums but decides to give Jihyo the doll again anyway, “It's from an ex-girlfriend.”

“She gave it to you?”

“I gave it to her, actually.” Jeongyeon's voice cracks a little as she explains and Jihyo lifts one eyebrow.

“Why do you have it now then?”

Jeongyeon hesitates for a second, quickly checking if the road is clear before turning her full attention to Jihyo, one finger pointed at her face, “No judgment in this trip, rule one.”

Jihyo smiles. _Ah, it's really pretty,_ Jeongyeon can't help but think. “I'd like that very much.” Her voice is soft and she gives Jeongyeon's finger a little high five with the dolls hand, Jihyo's eyes two little half moons under the low glow of the dashboard lights as her smile grows a bit more.

Jeongyeon leans back on her seat, exhaling, “Before I met you I might have gone to said ex-girlfriend's house. Uninvited,” her hands fiddle with the turn signal, “and I saw it there while looking through her stuff. I don't know, it just made me feel weird that she still had it so I took it back.”

“You broke up a long time ago?”

“A little over a year.”

“Maybe she still likes you.” Jihyo's tone is innocent and Jeongyeon finds it ironically cute, it's just like Chaeyoung used to say things sometimes.

_“You're sure this dress isn't too much?” Jeongyeon tugs at the revealing cleavage, “I don't want to give your boss the wrong impression.”_

_Chaeyoung barely lifts her eyes from her phone as she replies, “It's fine, isn't it?” She walks over to Jeongyeon, putting a small hand on her waist as she looks up, giving the taller girl the cutest smile she's ever seen, “I think you look pretty.”_

“She has a girlfriend now.”

“It doesn't mean that she can't still care about you.”

Jeongyeon shrugs, not having a comeback but also not wanting to agree with Jihyo.

“Why _this_ thing anyway, I mean, it’s kinda ugly,” Jihyo adds, stroking the long pink hair on the doll.

“Okay first of all, do not disrespect Bopa, he’s a good boy,” Jeongyeon tries to grab the doll one more time and Jihyo just swats her hand away, “second of all, you ask so many questions do you know that?” She gives Jihyo a side eye glare but the girl is too preoccupied with trying to stick Bopa on the sun visor.

“You’ll fall asleep if I don’t.” She gives a little hum of success as the doll is now securely stuck to the visor, pink hair drooping down slightly.

“I said I’m fi-” Jeongyeon is interrupted mid-sentence by a yawn and she mentally curses at the irony. She misses Jihyo's concerned frown.

“Anyway,” Jeongyeon continues, “since you're up keep lookout for a gas station, we're running a bit low.”

“You're changing the subject.”

“It's a boring story.”

“Why did you break up then?”

Jihyo is _adamant_.

Jeongyeon sighs, “Okay, question privilege revoked from you,” she pretends to rip off a press lanyard from the other girl’s neck.

Jihyo is pouting but she doesn't press further and Jeongyeon feels a little relieved, she doesn't want to relive her memories with Chaeyoung.

Normally she wouldn't mind the silence they fell into but there's something about Jihyo, who's just gone back to staring at the dark scenery outside, that makes Jeongyeon want to keep talking, so against her better judgment, she speaks up again.

“Hey, which one would you have?”

Jihyo turns around, eyebrows raised, it seems she wasn't expecting Jeongyeon to continue talking. Makes sense when Jeongyeon herself wasn't expecting it. “A Bopa, you mean?” She thinks for a bit, cheeks slightly puffed, “One one big eyes I guess.”

Jeongyeon looks at her and they just hold each other's gaze for a couple of seconds, and then Jeongyeon breaks into a cheeky grin. “Checks out.”

Jihyo snorts, immediately covering her mouth in fear of waking the sleeping girl in the back. She balls up a remaining tissue and flings it at Jeongyeon, hitting her in the side of the head. Jeongyeon complains with an exaggerated _shhh_ but Jihyo just sticks her tongue out at her.

It may seem like nothing but just like that whatever shadow of reminiscence that was looming over Jeongyeon vanishes from her mind for the time being, and while she's still tired and sore and very much aware she's in a car with no destination, she's not actually worried about it. Not much, not for now.

* * *

 

Around 30 minutes later they pull up to a gas station by the side of the road. On the driver's seat Jeongyeon flops her head against the wheel, Jihyo thinks she mumbles something like ‘fill up what you can, I'm broke as fuck.’ Rummaging through her pockets she finds some coins and a couple of crumpled bills she was probably going to use at the convenience store on her way home.

Jihyo turns around and gently shakes the sleeping girl in the back until she opens her eyes, a little spooked, it takes Mina a few seconds to recognize Jihyo or where she is. “Hey, do you have any cash?” Jihyo tries asking her.

Mina just looks at her, still adjusting to the place. She sits up, pulls out another couple of bills from her jacket pocket and hands them to Jihyo, eyes closed. The shorter woman watches as Mina stretches as much as the confined space of the car allows it, her jacket rides up a bit exposing a pale stomach dotted with red and white spots for a second before it covers it up again as Mina mumbles something sleepily, “Can you get some Pepero? I like the strawberry one.” She doesn’t wait for a reply from Jihyo before offhandedly mentioning going out for a smoke and stepping out of the car.

Jihyo stands in front of the cookies shelf with roughly ₩20,000 in scattered bills and coins. It’s not a lot and it’s definitely not enough to get them anywhere, not while they’re wandering aimlessly like this and she’s not even sure _why_ she’s standing here when she already spent all of it on gas. She casts a glance at the car from across the aisle, Mina is nowhere to be seen and Jeongyeon looks like she’s fallen asleep.

She looks back at the snacks, a box of waffles, some Oreos, a variety of chips on half the shelf. Peeping over it, the mid-night clerk looks too engrossed on a mobile game to have any idea of anything going on around him. She goes back to the shelf, there's a single line of Pepero boxes on the far end of the left corner.

They're all almond flavored.

A heaviness takes hold in Jihyo’s chest, she’s been running from her own thoughts for hours now, and it was okay for a while, to let Jeongyeon decide where they go, how they go, to pretend for a little bit that she wasn't responsible for anything that she was doing, but she knows she can’t do it forever. Not when she’s tasted freedom for the first time in god knows how many years.

It’s a strange feeling. It’s not _good_ like roses and warm sunshine or the early sunday mornings at the park she used to spend with her family, in fact it’s heavy and thick and it pools at her guts while also running down her spine like a cold sweat but she wants it. It makes her feel electric, the horizon of possibilities she has always dreamed with. It’s similar to what she felt when Jeongyeon almost hit her, but this time her legs are moving.

She’s sick of not fighting for herself just because she decided she didn’t deserve better.

Jihyo looks at the almond flavored cookies again, and maybe just for a second under the fluorescent lights, she feels the little boxes thump with her own heartbeat. Her gaze moves one final time from the clerk playing on his phone to Jeongyeon sleeping in the car, to Mina sitting on the trunk with smoke faintly flowing out of her mouth and back to the snacks shelf. The best explanation for it is an impulse, but before she can even properly consider what she’s doing Jihyo finds her hands grabbing one of the boxes and stuffing it under her shirt on her lower back and stepping up to the cashier with a pleasant smile on her face.

When he notices her approaching the young man perches up a bit, abandoning his phone on the counter. “Hi, what can I do for you?”

“Just here to pay for the gas,” Jihyo replies, handing him the small bundle of money.

He takes the money from her, smiling while he types it into the register. “Road trip?”

Jihyo doesn’t even listen his question until he repeats it, tapping her forearm. “Oh god, I’m _so_ sorry!” She sneaks a quick look at the girls outside and continues, “yeah, me and my friends decided to drive all the way to my sister’s wedding, not the greatest idea,” Jihyo laughs it off.

He’s still smiling and Jihyo can tell he’s going to reply to her so she cuts him off quickly, “Actually, we’re all pretty tired, is there anywhere around we could sleep just for tonight before getting back on the road?” Jihyo thought she’d be nervous doing this, especially because there are still very blatant blood stains in a couple places of her clothes, but she’s pretty calm, it’s like watching a game character do something in third person.

The clerk’s eyes shine with recognition and he makes a “oh” face as he seems to remember a place. “There’s this tiny motel down the highway, it doesn’t look like much but it’s actually pretty nice.” He points to the dark road, “you can get there in probably 15 minutes.”

Great. That’s all she needs.

“Thanks, you’re really saving us here.” Jihyo gives him a bright smile as she uses one of her hands to shift the cookie box on her back so it doesn’t look too noticeable when she’s walking away from him. “Have a good evening!” She waves at him with her one free hand.

He calls out to her, returning the greeting probably, as she’s walking out but Jihyo already stopped paying attention. She knows where to go now. And it’s barely a plan, or probably, more like a very poor temporary solution but it’s something and that’s all that matters.

* * *

 

“So, what plan exactly did you have in mind?” Jeongyeon asks from the driver seat.

They're parked a little before the entry to the small, roadside motel the clerk at the gas station directed them to. Jihyo looks away from Jeongyeon, fiddling with the door handle. “None,” she mumbles.

Jeongyeon sighs. “You really think we can waltz in, ask for a room and get a key without leaving a credit card or a deposit or something?”

“We could try?”

“Okay this is stupid.” Jeongyeon turns the car back on and is about to pull them back on the road when Mina pipes up.

She’s clinging to the headrest of Jihyo’s seat. “You’re too tired.”

Jeongyeon lifts one eyebrow at Mina. “Excuse me?”

Jihyo watches as Mina pulls another cookie stick from the box sitting on Jihyo’s lap. _Her cigarette smell is pretty strong this close_ , she thinks. “I don’t know why you’re being so stubborn or whatever but what’s the harm in just letting her try?” She takes a bite. “The alternative is you driving us off a cliff or something.”

Jeongyeon turns and meets Jihyo’s eyes, she looks worried, and Jihyo feels like she's about to say something but instead Jeongyeon just turns away and huffs, putting the car in gear. “Alright.”

“Cool.” It's Mina's voice right next to her. She's still attached to the headrest and Jihyo can feel her breath on her cheek. Without thinking she just picks a cookie stick and puts it up to Mina's mouth. The other girls bites it immediately, soft _thank you_ as she flops down into the back seat.

Jihyo feels the absence of the smokey and sweet scent next to her when Mina leaves but she doesn't have much time to think about it because Jeongyeon is parking in front of the building

“Okay,” she turned to Jeongyeon, “you stay in here, Mina and I will go.”

“Why?” Jeongyeon looks confused.

“You want me to go?” Mina looks more uncomfortable than confused.

Jihyo turns to Mina first, in a lower voice, “I don't wanna go alone.”

“Okay, I'll go with you.” Jeongyeon is already opening the car door.

“No! Wait!” Jihyo finds her hands holding onto Jeongyeon's shoulder and arm. She pulls them back as soon as Jeongyeon looks at her, and continues, quieter, “I want to do this, so, could you stay, please?”

Jeongyeon is still looking at her, hand on the door handle. Ah, that feeling again. Jihyo could _swear_ Jeongyeon is about to say something, she can feel it in the tip of her own tongue and for maybe a second Jihyo is just waiting for it.

But again Jeongyeon just blinks away, taking her hand off the handle. “Okay, don't make them call the police,” she says, flopping back on the driver’s seat.

Jihyo wants to ask her something, she’s not sure what but it bubbles in her throat and it’s about to come out when the sound of Mina’s door opening startles her back to their reality. Right, going outside, talking to more people. She can do it _._

With a quick _thanks_ to Jeongyeon she steps outside too. Mina is halfway to the small yellow-lit cabin across the parking lot and Jihyo gets ready to jog a bit to catch up to her but all of a sudden Mina is strutting back towards her, hands trapping Jihyo against the side of the car. “Hang on.” Jihyo is noticeably freaked out, Mina was still a bit of an unpredictable variable for them and her stepping up and, _roughly_ , pushing Jihyo into the car, well, maybe she’s not really proud to admit it but Jihyo’s first instinct is to think Mina is going to beat her up for some reason. That is, until Mina drops down in front of her. “You should put that back in,” she says, fixing Jihyo’s red-stained sock that is peeking out from inside her shoes.

Just as quickly as she came, Mina was back on her feet and turning around towards the reception.

This time Jihyo does jog after her. “Thanks.” She's sheepishly walking along side Mina now. “We've been out here for hours now and I still forgot to take them off,” Jihyo gives a weak laugh, lightly knocking her own head, “dummy.”

Mina shrugs, “long night, it's a forgivable sin.” Jihyo _thinks_ she hears a bit of a joking tone but Mina says it with her usual uninterested face. Right then they reach the entry for the little reception and Mina continues before opening the door, “okay, let's go talk to some old guy who probably doesn't give two fucks whether we're using his rooms to sleep or cook meth.”

Turns out Mina is only half wrong.

Sitting behind the counter is an older lady, reading glasses perched at the tip of her nose as she goes through a crossword puzzle. Her eyes lift up a little bit when she sees them walking in but go right back down a second later and other than that she gives no other sign of acknowledging the two girls.

She’s still lazily writing letters down when Jihyo reaches the counter. She looks to Mina next to her who just shrugs, and clears her throat, “uh, we’d like a room.”

Mina gives her a thumbs up behind her crossed arms.

The woman just pulls a thick book from under the counter and places it open in front of Jihyo. “ID, sign here now and when you leave.” She frowns, scribbling out some letters and replacing them with something else. Jihyo looks at Mina for some help but the taller girl just shrugs again, gesturing for her to continue.

Jihyo takes a quick breath and tries again, smile on her face, “yeah, actually, we don’t have our IDs right now, is there any way we can just sign in?”

The woman looks up at her then at Mina and goes back to her crossword. “No ID, no room.”

Jihyo kind of wants to burn the damn thing.

But she just mouths _play along_ to Mina and places both of her hands next to the woman’s, bringing her face as close as she can. The woman looks at her like she’s lost her mind and Jihyo gulps, but she’s doing this whether it works or not.

(It has to work.)

“I didn't really wanna talk about this but,” she takes a very obvious peek at Mina, making sure the woman follows her gaze, before continuing, trying to make herself sound as troubled as possible, “we’re actually trying to get away from my friend’s boyfriend, he’s uh,” Jihyo lowers her voice to a whisper, “violent.”

The woman’s whole demeanor change as she goes over the scratches and bruises on Mina’s face and the frown in her eyebrows just increases. Jihyo looks at them too and for her relief Mina seems to be playing her part perfectly as she averts her eyes and fidgets on her feet.

“Did he do that to you sweetheart?”

Mina looks up, “yeah,” and the way the word comes out of her mouth, small and broken, has Jihyo worried for her, what if maybe someone _did_ hurt her and Jihyo is just here dragging it all up? She wants to reach out but this isn’t the time so she forcibly pulls herself back to the woman in front of them.

“It was an impulse decision and we just need to stay here for tonight.” The woman’s concerned eyes flicker between her and Mina. “We can’t call the police because he has friends there so we’re just trying to get to my brother’s house to figure out what to do.”

“I’m sorry.” Mina says it to her but it’s the woman who answers to it. Better that way because Jihyo might be getting genuinely concerned here.

She gets up and immediately goes around the desk to firmly hold Mina’s hands. The other girl looks a little surprised. “Oh honey, don’t ever apologize for something that isn’t your fault.” She turns to Jihyo now. “You can stay as long as you need, don’t worry. I still need to put your names on the register but we can pretend I’ve seen your IDs already, okay?”

Jihyo is about to thank her when Mina beats her to it. “Thank you, you can use mine,” she gently extract her hands from the older lady’s grasp, “it’s Jeongnam.” She smiles shyly.

“That’s a beautiful name, sweetie!” The woman goes back behind the counter to grab a keycard and Mina looks back at Jihyo, after quickly writing something in the book, she has a tiny smile on her lips and winks before going back to looking innocently angelic as the woman comes back.

“If you need anything else just come and ask, okay?” The woman tells both of them with light taps on their shoulders.

The moment they step outside Jihyo takes this opportunity to turn to Mina, one eyebrow raised. “Jeongnam?”

“You said to play along.” Mina shrugs. “Now come on.”

Jihyo holds Mina’s arm. “Wait, are you okay?” She’s serious when she asks, something about Mina’s whole stance tugged at Jihyo and she needed to know if she had overstepped in any way.

Mina on the other hand just smiles at her, a real smile, one that brightens her whole face, from the gums peeking out from under her lips to the tiny slits her eyes become as she blinks slowly. It’s the first time Jihyo’s seeing her like this and it kinda makes her feel a little silly.

“I was just doing what you told me to, don’t worry,” Mina says, giggling a bit. “ _Now come on_ , it’s gonna look weird if we stay back here for too long.”

Jihyo tries to blink her embarrassment away, of course she overreacted, her brain is probably a little on edge from her own day. Clearing her throat she nods to Mina. Her face feels hot and she remembers Jeongyeon is waiting for them in the car so she starts walking again. Mina is faster than her though, and Jihyo feels her fingers tightening around her wrist. “Thanks for worrying though,” they’re gone in a second and she’s already past Jihyo a moment later.

* * *

 

The metal under her fingers is cold and Mina closes her eyes to let the feeling spread through her. It's nice, keeps her grounded. Ever since Jihyo and Jeongyeon went in their little rundown room she's been left alone outside.

On one hand she appreciates the quiet, it's living, it's calming, she hears the wind on the leaves, her own shoes on the ground, the neon sign's occasional flickering.

It’s almost enough to stifle down her own wandering thoughts.

A single tired laugh escapes her lips, Mina thinks it's so odd that for someone who spends so much time alone she still isn't used to it. Her hands slide down the hood of the car until she's lying instead of just leaning against it. She groans loudly, trying to ignore the uncomfortable sensation in the pit of her stomach for the earthy smell of the late night.

“Hey,” a voice calls out to her and she opens her eyes to see Jihyo walking up. “Jeongyeon fell asleep pretty fast for a girl who was ‘definitely not tired’,” she laughs, making an exaggerated air quotes with her hands, “but I guess it does mean you and I will have to share the other bed, sorry.”

She thinks about the stilted quiet of the room. “It's okay you can have it.” _Here is better._

Jihyo leans on the car next to her, gazing at the little row of doors in the small building. “You’re gonna be out here the whole night?” she turns back to look at Mina, a single eyebrow raised.

“Not sleepy.” Mina shrugs.

“You did take a pretty sweet nap in the car.” A teasing smile graces Jihyo's lips.

“Yeah I guess.” Mina's laugh comes out emptier than she liked

Jihyo turns back to the white hallway, shoulders subtly rising and falling as she breathes. It's not like Mina doesn't want to play around with her, a part of her does. Jihyo was nice to her and she liked it, a part of her finds it easy to smile at Jihyo's calm familiarity, but she's too out of it now, unlearned how to be around people, so she just feels bad.

Her eyes close again as she tries not to overthink how stupid she's being right now, hands instinctively reaching for the empty box of cookies sitting atop her stomach. Her fingers trace the outlines of it. Mina wishes Jihyo would leave. She has no idea what to say and with every passing second her thoughts only get worse. _She thinks I'm a creep. She's second guessing letting me come. She wants me to get out of here so she and Jeongyeon can sneak out with the car and leave me behind. Who can blame them? I'd leave me too._

“I’m sorry they didn’t have strawberry by the way.” The voice once again calls for Mina's attention and she opens her eyes to see Jihyo gesturing to the box on her hands.

“It’s okay, these are good too.” _Please go, please go, please go, I don't need you pitying me._

Jihyo just smiles, doesn't take her eyes off Mina's. This is too much and she closes her eyes again, feelings swirling in an unidentifiable mess inside her chest. Where did this even come from? Why is it always like this? She hates how unreasonable her feelings are.

She tries to make her voice sound as even as possible. She's calm. She's fine. “You can go to bed, you know?”

“Nah, we’re like, looking at the stars or something, right?” Mina hears shuffling and the car swaying lightly. When she opens her eyes one more time Jihyo is laying 10 centimeters next to her, easy smile still in place.

“You really-”

The smile falls almost immediately and she's looking at Mina with eyes she can't quite understand. “I’ll go if you want me to, but if you don’t mind I think I should stay here with you. Is that okay?”

“Sorry,” Mina says after a second, avoiding her eyes.

“It’s alright,” Jihyo smiles again, “I think I need this too.”

Mina is _so confused_. First she thought she wanted to get away from people but when she did she didn't want to be alone anymore, then suddenly Jihyo came and she just wanted the girl to leave but she didn't and now Mina's here with her and she doesn't know what she wants anymore.

(She's ignoring that one impulse thought pressing at the back of her mind screaming that she's starved for human touch and she can feel Jihyo's warmth from how close the girl is.)

“I used to go camping with my parents when I was younger,” Jihyo starts after a while, eyes fixed on the sky above them, “I _hated_ it to be honest, but it was my dad's favorite thing in the world and he always managed to convince me and my mom into going with him.” Her right hand grazes against Mina when Jihyo moves it between them. “Anyway, some nights when I got especially grumpy he would carry my sleeping bag outside the tent and we would lie there with a flashlight between us, I was scared of the dark don't tell anyone,” she gives Mina a conspiratory smile, dark eyes twinkling under the street light, “and he would point out constellations to me.”

Jihyo shimmies closer and takes hold of Mina's hand, pointing it at the sky, “That one, for example,” she forms a random shape in the sky, it slightly resembles a stick figure, “is ‘moping girl with cookie in her mouth’.”

“What?” Mina can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of her throat at the sudden absurdity she was hearing.

“And this one,” Jihyo goes again, warm fingers gripping softly at Mina’s as she moves both their hands, “‘the elusive Master Rogue Jeongnam signing papers behind her desk’.”

Mina is wholeheartedly laughing, the weight on her chest gone at least for a few seconds. It feels good, Jihyo’s hand in hers, Jihyo’s giggles, the way Jihyo’s presence makes her forget what a complete failure she is at everything. If Mina was capable of noticing it she would probably have whiplash from how fast she went from down to up thanks to the girl next to her.

“Shut up! Here,” Mina takes control of their intertwined hands to make her own loose connection of stars, “‘tiny girl who worried too much’.”

“You have to make an image!” Jihyo tuts at her, teasing smile replacing the sour expression just a second later. “But I’ll give it to you, 6 out of 10 for a first try.”

“You’re literally tracing random shapes over there!” Mina playfully hits Jihyo.

“I’m not! I even made Jeongnam a counter! Ugh, here, I’ll show you again.”

Jihyo spends a lot of time thinking and Mina thinks her small pout as she tries to find the perfect constellation is sort of cute. Plump lips and squishy, soft cheeks. Actually, now that she thinks about it Jihyo is really pretty. She thought Jihyo was pretty the first time she saw her as well but now it’s a different type, it’s like Mina is getting a peek behind the tired shoulders and gentle eyes she saw first to someone else, a Jihyo that’s hidden behind all the stress.

Normally having these sort of thoughts about someone would freak Mina out into the stratosphere, it’s one step into letting someone close and letting people get close only leads to disappointment, she learned that well enough, Mina wasn’t the type of person who is good for others, but right now she’s just so high off actually enjoying her time with another person and having someone like being _with her_ she forgets to care about all of that.

A smile forms in her face as she sees Jihyo come closer, their shoulders pressed against each other as she takes Mina’s hand again and guides it to slowly trace a pattern of stars. “This one is ‘we don’t really have to talk if you don’t want to and I’d understand if you want to go back home because there’s no need for you to be going on a runaway adventure with two strangers but if you’re staying I want you to know that we should take care of each other’.”

Mina’s excitement for whatever joke she was expecting dies down in an instant, heart beating faster as Jihyo’s words ring in her ears.

Jihyo for what is worth doesn’t look at her waiting for an immediate answer, she just lies there, eyes closed, hand still gripping Mina’s.

“Did your dad do this too?” Is the first thing Mina manages to croak out.

“Yeah, he was pretty good at it.” Mina hears the sad tone in her voice despite the soft smile adorning Jihyo’s face, it makes the other girl seem so distant.

“Why do you act like you care so much?” Teeth sink into her lip almost immediately after she hears herself, small and insecure. She hates how it sounds.

But the words are already out between them and Mina feels lightheaded, unable to stop them from coming. “You could’ve just called an ambulance or the police or just left like Jeongyeon wanted to.”

“You’re sad.” It’s a statement, not a question. “Maybe it’s not the exact same thing, but I was sad like that too when my parents died and,” Jihyo frowns, “life isn’t great. It hasn’t been great for a long time now but I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something worth all of this hidden somewhere.” Mina feels a tightening on the hand Jihyo is holding and she turns to see the girl watching her with soft eyes. “If I could just find it then maybe, I don’t know, maybe I wouldn’t feel so bad. And maybe you wouldn’t feel so bad either.” Jihyo sits up, untangling her hand from Mina’s to run it through her own hair.

Mina sees Jihyo’s back slowly rise and fall as the girl takes a deep breath before continuing. “I’m not okay, you know,” she turns back to look at Mina, “and I don’t think Jeongyeon is either, we’re all just trying not to freak out,” Mina watches her trail off for a second and shake herself out of it, “but now that we’re here I think we could at least… not freak out together.”

Jihyo isn’t saying anything special, Mina knows this, she has heard pretty much every version of it ever said through her life, but the way Jihyo looks at her makes Mina feel something she had given up on.

Understood.

More than love, more than care, Jihyo’s eyes roar with understanding.

They’re the same, deep down, Mina thinks, below personal traumas, below choices and thoughts, below beliefs, and now Mina is here, in front of a girl asking of her all the same things they’ve already asked before. But it’s not the same, it couldn’t be the same because they never understood what they were asking of Mina and Jihyo _does_.

Jihyo does, and Mina thinks that maybe it’s okay for her to believe it.

“I’m sorry about your parents.” It’s so quiet Mina is sure Jihyo wouldn’t listen but she does and Mina doesn’t miss the way her face falls slightly.

“Thanks.” Jihyo smiles though, short sigh after hopping off the car.

Mina knows those aren’t the words she was supposed to say but she’s scared and despite all of it she still felt they were the first thing she had to say, but now Jihyo is walking off and she’s out of time so she takes one final shaky breath and lets it come out. “I don’t want to leave.”

“Okay.” Comes Jihyo’s gentle voice. Mina raises her head when she hears Jihyo’s footsteps approaching, the short girl has a hand extended between the two of them, inviting but not forceful.

It takes a second but Mina reaches for it, a lifeline, she thinks she’s holding onto it way too strongly but she can’t control herself. She opens her mouth but Jihyo quiets her before she can say anything.

“It’s been a really weird day and I’m sure you’ll tell me things you think are important when you feel like, if you feel like it.” Jihyo gives her hand a squeeze. “Right now, though, I am very tired, so, what do you say, let’s go to bed?”

She waits for Mina to nod her consent before leading them back, fingers still wrapped around Mina’s.

* * *

 

When she wakes up, Jeongyeon is alone. On instinct she looks over the room, eyes immediately moving to the messy sheets on the other bed and the car keys still atop the nightstand. She lets her head fall down on the pillow, exhaling, it’s okay, she’s okay.

She grunts thinking about getting out of bed, would it really be so bad if she stayed here for the rest of the day?

Yes, yes it would.

She pulls herself out of bed, careful to not upset any sore muscles in the bruised parts of her body. The light from outside makes her squint when she peers behind the curtains, sun shining in a cloudless blue sky, she sighs, of course Jihyo would ignore her when she asked last night for the other girl to wake her if she managed to get up earlier, they should leave as soon as possible.

Jeongyeon lets go of the curtain and walks to the bathroom, a small note is stuck under the toothpaste.

_The pink toothbrush is for you, there’s also some leftover shampoo and soap. Me and Mina will be outside, come meet us when you’re done._

_Jihyo :)_

Jeongyeon takes a deep breath, in part because she has _such_ a headache thanks to this girl, _does she not think at all?_ She wonders, this is not really a ‘smiley face, let's just do things in our own time’ situation, but also in (a very small) part, because she doesn't want to admit to herself how Jihyo's bubbly handwriting make the corners of her mouth curl up before she can catch herself.

_Damn strays_ , Jeongyeon thinks, crumpling the note in one of her pant pockets.

She stalks out of the room.

It takes her about three seconds to find the other two girls sitting in a bench nearby. Mina sees her first and says something Jeongyeon can't hear and a second later Jihyo is turning around, “good morning! I think you can still get to the breakfast-”

Jeongyeon catches up to them before she can finish. “We need to talk.” She grabs Jihyo by the arm, dragging her along. She hears Mina say something but Jeongyeon doesn’t have the mind to actually pay attention and Jihyo isn’t resisting her either so she just doesn’t stop walking until they’ve reached the back of the building. She takes a couple of glances to make sure there are no staff around then finally lets go of Jihyo’s arm, to which the other girl immediately brings a hand up to rub the pinkish spot.

Jeongyeon feels a tinge of embarrassment when she sees the wary way Jihyo is eyeing her. “Sorry,” she gestures vaguely not making eye contact, “anyway, what the fuck Jihyo?”

Jihyo sighs. “Is this about me not waking you up at the crack of dawn?”

“Yes it’s about that!” One of Jeongyeon’s hands goes to her hair, instinctively, “do you have any idea how we’re gonna get out of here now, I mean, we have literally _no_ money. Are you even thinking?”

“Yes I’m thinking!” Jihyo barks back at her. “I think we were all too fucking stressed to do anything properly so if we are going to fuck up either way might as well do it with a clear head.”

“Oh, great,” Jeongyeon scoffs, “so now besides the psycho we can expect the police tracing our license plate after the motel guy calls them because he saw us book it,” she says it all in a mocking cheery tone, “awesome.”

“Stop acting like they’re not doing that already, you stole a damn car!” Jihyo has her arms crossed, fingernails digging into the skin on her biceps, “ and you need to stop being so mean to Mina.”

That sets something in Jeongyeon off, not sure where it’s coming from she just finds the words just dripping from her lips like venom, “she's _your_ sociology experiment, not mine.”

Jihyo doesn’t answer her straight away, instead Jeongyeon sees the fury slowly building in her face and when Jihyo takes a step forward she automatically takes a step back without thinking. “You _agreed_ to her coming along,” Jihyo’s voice is controlled, “I didn't force you.”

Her piercing gaze sends a shiver down Jeongyeon’s spine, the wish to come back at Jihyo runs like a fire through her blood, making her head pulse with anger, invisible words right at the tip of her tongue and yet she can only bite on her own teeth.

Jihyo isn’t wrong. She had no reason to have been picking on Mina non-stop, sure the girl was a stranger but so were all three of them and besides giving Jeongyeon a weird vibe she hadn’t actually done anything else to warrant such judgement, in fact, and Jeongyeon loathes to admit it, Mina was actually pretty obedient, if in this weird, apathetic way.

“This isn’t going to work if we’re not all in.” Jihyo’s eyes are still on her but her voice is a little softer.

It would’ve been so much easier to not have gotten involved in all of this, she worked better solo, it’s no secret. Jeongyeon sighs, Jihyo’s burning gaze incessantly pricking at something in the back of her head, nudging her to the complete opposite way she wants to go.

Jeongyeon shoves her hands down her pockets, taking a deep breath. _Fuck it._ “I’ll try, okay?”

She watches as the softness completely takes over the steeliness in Jihyo's eyes, her stomach drops because she doesn't want her to have any sort of expectations, Jeongyeon isn't a good person. She knows that. Jihyo has yet to understand it.

Jihyo's mouth opens as if in slow motion in front of her but before she can actually cement Jeongyeon's worst fears she watches as Jihyo's eyes change once again, a shade of worry overtaking them as she sees Mina come barreling towards them from around the corner.

“Mina? What's wrong?” Jihyo walks past her to Mina in a second and Jeongyeon forces down the light pang of, _something,_ threatening to sour her mood.

Mina catches her breath, shifting on her feet as she pacifies Jihyo. “Everything's fine, I think. There's something you need to see,” Jeongyeon watches the girl turn directly to her, “both of you.”

Jihyo also turns back to look at her, Jeongyeon gives her a shrug. _You get her, not me._

Mina doesn't wait for them to ask any more questions though, she moves past Jihyo to grab Jeongyeon by the wrist, catching the other girl with her free hand on her way back and dragging them both to their car. She's walking so fast Jeongyeon almost trips on her own feet.

Next thing she knows a pair of keys is being held in front of her face. “Open the trunk.”

Jeongyeon grabs the car keys, turning to Mina. “Why do you have this?”

“Because I was sick of your drama and decided to ditch you two here.” Mina says, to both Jeongyeon and Jihyo's shock. The younger girls sighs, clearly annoyed, “it doesn't matter just open it!”

She starts to speak, a retort at the tip of her tongue when Jihyo stops her, hand squeezing her arm. “Jeongyeon, just open it.”

Jeongyeon turns from Jihyo's worried expression to Mina's borderline impatient stance, she takes her third deep breath of the day, inserting the keys in the lock. “This better be something g-” The words immediately die in her throat.

The three of them stand like statues as they try to process the stacks and stacks of money sitting in a bag inside the open trunk. There's so much Jeongyeon can't even begin to count how much it is, the paper bills almost overflowing out.

No one says anything but Jeongyeon can feel Jihyo’s grip on her tighten as she lowers the trunk lid. She turns to Mina, her eyes switching between Jeongyeon and the car, like a small kid waiting for a reaction after she showed a drawing to her parents. Jeongyeon knows what she’s waiting for but the words choke in her throat, the image of lumps and lumps of cash sitting right in front of her making her feel dizzy.

She rests her hands on the car, trying to get some sort of grip on her thoughts. “I think,” she begins, “I need a shower,” she touches Jihyo’s hand, gently nudging her to let go, “and then we should get ready to get out of here.”

Lower lip between her teeth, Jihyo is almost bouncing when she energetically nods her agreement to Jeongyeon. Mina also gives her a small nod when Jeongyeon gives her a pat on the shoulder, the words still refuse to come out but this time Mina seems to understand. She gives Jeongyeon a small smile and Jeongyeon can’t control the beam that comes out in response.

When she’s entering their room Jeongyeon hears Jihyo squeal and she looks back just in time to see her throw herself in Mina’s arms, spinning around, and for the first time in a while Jeongyeon feels light, giddy. Things are actually looking good and this time she finds it way easier to squash the feeling of annoyance tugging at her when she sees the two girls smiling together.

_Finally_ , Jeongyeon thinks.

* * *

 

Mina tries really hard to make sense of how exactly she ended up in the corner of a department store while Jeongyeon is 2 meters from her whining about ugly sweaters.

“What about this one?” Jeongyeon holds a generic burgundy college hoodie to her chest, it’s… normal. Mina thinks the color goes well with her but the _Arizona State_ font in the front is just awful. She shakes her head and Jeongyeon throws it back in the rack, “yeah, I thought so too.”

She goes back to rummaging around, Jihyo is nowhere to be found, having sprinted off to the other side of the store as soon as they walked in, ‘You two go look for something together’ as she put it.

Mina still isn’t sure where she stands with Jeongyeon. The girl had been substantially less hostile since the money incident but that didn’t necessarily mean they were friends now.

“You weren't really going to leave me and Jihyo behind were you?” The question catches her off guard, Mina can only see Jeongyeon’s back, fingers sliding from one shirt to another.

It’s not like she would actually ever do it, but it’s also not like she didn’t think about it. Leaving Jeongyeon that is, not Jihyo, but Jihyo would probably never go without Jeongyeon so it was never really an option. Besides, Mina looks up at Jeongyeon who’s stretching the fabric of some random pants, she has some sort of twisted admiration for the woman, Jeongyeon just _does_ things. And she’s fine with it. Mina spends half her time overthinking and the other half regretting her impulse decisions.

A blue hoodie flies at her hitting Mina straight in the face. There’s a small snicker but when she pulls it down Jeongyeon schools her face back to irritated. Arms crossed she asks Mina, “well, were you?”

Mina shucks the hoodie back, “no, I wasn’t. I was just fucking with you,” she continues in a quieter voice, “you’re kind of a bitch to me.”

Jeongyeon grimaces. “Right.”

“I don’t know why you hate me so much.”

Jeongyeon makes a choked sound and Mina thinks maybe this will be the end of their conversation. “I just think we're both very different,” she ends up saying.

It doesn’t escape Mina how she didn’t deny it.

Jeongyeon steps away from the clothes’ rack to sit next to Mina. “But, we're doing this now so,” a hand emerges in the corner of Mina’s vision, “a fresh start?”

She’s not sure how genuine Jeongyeon is, she’s hard to read, but the extended hand between them wiggles its fingers and Mina can’t help but to chuckle. She decides to shake it. “Okay.”

“Oh, thank god. Jihyo really got into my head with her ‘we’re all in this together’ bullshit.”

Mina laughs. “She’s so good at that, it’s kinda scary.”

“Right?!”

They both laugh for a while, bonding over Jihyo’s strange presence even when she’s not around.When it dies down Jeongyeon leaps up, hands on her hips, “Anyway, now that we have a truce,” she coughs before mumbling out the next part, “which is 90% my fault,” and continuing in her normal voice, “let’s get you some clothes too. Get up from the shoe box pile.”

“But I like the shoe box pile.”

“Yeah well, you don’t _belong_ in the shoe box pile,” Jeongyeon says, dragging her up.

They make it maybe about 3 isles before Jeongyeon suddenly stops, scrunched eyebrows. “Should we be worried we haven’t seen Jihyo in like, 40 minutes?”

Mina shrugs, “I think we should be more worried it took you 40 minutes to only semi-apologize.”

Her heart hammers in her chest, Mina hadn’t meant to make the joke and her mind is already going through several scenarios telling her it was the worst idea she’s ever had when Jeongyeon’s shocked face has her biting the corner of her mouth to keep herself from laughing.

“I think I liked you better when you were quiet.”

Mina would be more inclined to believe that if Jeongyeon didn’t immediately grabbed onto her shirt, guiding her while they walk, mumbling something that sounds a lot like ‘can’t believe this is how I’m treated when I’m clearly the leader’. She feels her chest simmer down.

It’s not like she doesn’t have her doubts either, Mina can’t just toss away years of self-doubt and loathing like they never meant anything but every time Jihyo holds her hand or Jeongyeon pokes her waist so Mina will laugh at her jokes, that’s the most real Mina has felt in a long time. She was mist, hazy and weightless, invisible, but now she is made flesh, real, and when she speaks there’s someone to listen, there’s someone to touch her and to look at her like she’s a person and not just some broken toy.

So when Jihyo finally shows up with a pile of clothes almost as big as her, ushering them to the deserted changing rooms, Mina helps her with it, and when Jeongyeon comes out dressed in full 80s gear she laughs at her ridiculousness and sure, Mina feels she doesn’t deserve to have any of this but she wants to. That’s why when Jihyo puts an outfit on her lap (and Mina quietly notices that for her Jihyo chose pants and a long sleeve jacket) and squeezes her arm, saying, “c’mon, it’ll be fun,” Mina pushes her doubts down in order to smile at her.

She doesn’t know long she’ll be able to ignore herself like this, she doesn’t even know how long she’ll have this but just for now, hearing Jeongyeon and Jihyo bicker outside the changing room, she doesn’t want to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not super sure about this chapter but it's been so long i decided to just post it anyway, i hope you enjoyed it :)

**Author's Note:**

> happy monday i guess


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